Some of you may think I am sharing too much, but it's my opinion. And I think it's okay if people know.
SYRACUSE -Mary Beth passed away in her home on Tuesday, September 19, 2006. Born to Blaine and Velma Fisher on July 30, 1950, she was raised in West Point, Utah.
She was valedictorian of her 1968 Clearfield High School graduating class. She attended Weber State College where she participated in the La Dioneda sorority and graduated as a registered nurse. She married Scot Denhalter in 1972 in the Ogden LDS Temple. Her pride and joy were their children: Joshua, Rachel (LaFon), Joseph, Sarah (Buttars), Elizabeth and Seth. She was a loving and devoted mother and caring grandmother to three grandchildren.
Funeral services were held Tuesday, September 26, at 11 a.m. at the Syracuse Stake Center, 1350 S. 1800 W.
Interment, West Point Cemetery.
There you see it. My mom was smart, beautiful, well liked, etc.. And when I was about 5 years old, she gave that all away for an addiction to pain pills. I never really found out what STARTED her addiction, all I know is it ruined her.
Seeing as how I was only 5 and Seth was 3 when her addiction began, we never really got to know our REAL mom. Not like everyone else knew her. Drugs transformed her into something none of us liked. Growing up with this was really hard, especially because I never knew what was going on. Her addiction was never explained to me or Seth. We kind of had to figure it out on our own. After all of her car accidents, and DUI's, it was pretty clear, something was wrong. And as I got older, I just became extremely mad at her. I had SO much anger towards my mom, all the time. I couldn't stand to be around her, and when I HAD to be, I was rude. Oh I can't tell you how much I regret that.. Addiction is something I didn't understand. But now that I do, I would have handled everything so much better.
The one and only time I ever saw my mom 100% sober, was right after she got out of prison, I took her grocery shopping. It was the weirdest thing ever, but also very awesome.
As you can imagine, 15 years of drug abuse will take a toll on someones body. My mom's autopsy report showed respiratory failure, due to drug abuse. Her body just gave up on her.
2 weeks before my mom passed away, I was getting gas at the gas station across the street from her apartment. (Where I ALWAYS got gas.) But this time, something just came over me.. Telling me I should go see her. So I did. We talked, caught up, then she asked me to drop her off at the movies. I asked her if her car was having problems (she had a POS) and she told me "No. I had my license suspended." And I just wanted to scream, yell throw something. "AGAIN? Are you kidding me? After everything you've gone through? Car accident after car accident, jail, PRISON!" But I didn't. I was calm. I simply said, "okay, lets go." I was nice to her the entire drive, hugged and kissed her goodbye. 2 weeks later, I got the call she had passed away.
I am SO thankful that I wasn't my normal, mean self. For once, I went to see her willingly and took her somewhere with out acting like it was a huge hassle.
I miss my mom every day. I wonder constantly what life would be like if she were still here. It makes me incredibly sad to know that my kids will never meet their grandma Denhalter. Shit, Erik never even met my mom. She would have loved him, so much.
All in all, I think god took her because he knew she couldn't get better. She was sick for 15 years, and wasn't anywhere near close to getting better. I feel like he wanted to take her away from the pain, and give her something better.
I forgive my mom for her addiction. I just wish I would have done it sooner.
Oh Liz. You are such an amazing person. To share this I'm sure was hard. But awesome of you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI am crying. lots. Thank you for sharing this. it think it is good to talk about things like this and it makes you realized how much you have in common with other people. Addiction and Recovery has been a part of my life since I can remember.
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful and part of that has to do with your mom. You are who you are because she was who she was, whether it was negative or not. I bet that day meant the world to her. you will never stop missing her, so there is not much i can say but i bet she is looking down and is filled with joy at the woman you have become.
if you ever want to have a cemetery picnic when you are in town let me know. those are the best kind.
Oh Liz you have me crying, I seriously got the chills reading this. I am so glad you opened up because I feel like it helps so much. Your mom sounds like she was an amazing person, it is sad that such an evil thing like addiction took over her life. I have two family members that have battled addiction their whole entire lives and it is so sad, sometimes you forget what a good person they are deep down because of what you see them doing. I believe 100% that you were prompted to go to your moms that day because it would be the last time you saw her her on earth, and I agree with you 150% that God took her back because he saw her suffering (and your family as well) and knew she couldn't get better. Now she is better and so happy and watching over you and watching your babies until you are ready for them.
ReplyDeleteI want you to read this book that I read about a lady that commits suicide and has an experience in the spirit world and comes back to write about it. She isn't any religion so it's not byass in anyway which I think makes it better. But it really will be comforting to you. It's called There Is No Death by Sarah LeNelle Menet.
P.S. Don't stress over not forgiving your mom sooner, I know she understands.
Well there is your novel, I love you so much girl! It's nice having a friend that can relate to me in this way, even though our situations are different it still hurts and it's pain not everyone can understand until they experience it.
As the daughter of an addict father, I long to have a day with him sober and as I sit by and watch him slowly kill himself I am angry yet love him so much... Im so happy to have read your blog.... Your a strong woman!
ReplyDeleteI think most of us have issues like this in our lives too, we are just too afraid to let people know that our families are far from perfect. I'm glad you shared this Liz, I know I was not nice enough to my uncle while he was still living and I know that I need to be nicer to my sister while she is still here but it is very hard when we feel like it would be easy to change and don't really know what it feels like when an addiction takes over someone. Anyway, I don't think you shared too much, it's part of grieving, so share away!
ReplyDeleteOHH Liz! I had no idea about any of this.. You are such a amazing person. Thank you for sharing this part of you with all of us blog peeps. You inspire me! I <3 you, and hope all is well! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteWow Liz! I had no idea!!! Thank you for sharing! You are the sweetest thing!!! Im sorry that you had to go through that! Love you Girl!
ReplyDeleteOh Liz, I have few memories of your dear sweet mother as she really was. I try to grasp those memories and not the more painful ones when she was using. I love her. I feel even closer to her sincce having Eden in our family. I have felt her nearness and love a few very special times. Thanks for having the courage to share this. It breaks my heart for you. I love you.
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